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After the unsuccessful rollout of WI Rep. Mark Pocan’s “ELON MUSK Act”, congressional Democrats are drafting the “H.E.L.P. U.S.” bill this week.

The bill stands for “Hopefully Elected Leaders Preserve the Union Soon”, as the Democratic party struggles to clearly and unilaterally respond to the Trump administration’s agenda and government spending cuts by DOGE and Elon Musk. Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer said, “We believe that this is a step in the right direction because Democrats understand that the right way to problem solve and get things done is by asking the other side nicely”.

When asked by reporters about the implementation of the bill, sources, and staffers who drafted the legislation said “We are confident that our Republican colleagues will join us in protecting America’s institutions and ideals, because, well, they should”. Former President Biden remarked, “Look folks, here’s the deal; America is all about working together, and my predecessor – who I’m told is now my successor, will sign this bill”.

The bill did not gain a single GOP vote, and Trump said he’d immediately veto it if it had passed. Democrats claimed victory, believing their message of protecting democracy was just as compelling as it was before. Polls show that 2% of Americans agree with that sentiment.