DISCLAIMER: THIS ARTICLE IS SATIRE AND IS MEANT FOR ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY.

The US and Britain have gone to war with each other twice already, once in the US’s war for independence and again in the war of 1812. Now, since then we have been allies with them through two world wars and through 70 plus more years, so why would we want to go to war with them again? Well the answer is simple, the US needs holding in western Europe so we can get our own troops on the ground fast if war breaks out there again.

There really is no other answer for this since planes and ships are far too slow to deliver our forces in time if an invasion starts in France. Britain also is failing. Currently its inflation is higher than ever and the discontent among their people is high. This means that it’s the perfect opportunity for the US to sweep in and scoop up the 52nd state of our great nation, not to mention all the colonies we would get. This would also be a great win for democracy as we would be taking down a monarchy that has been left to prevail even if it can’t actually do anything; they don’t really add anything to Britain’s economy just use its resources.

In summary we should go to war with Britain for three reasons: democracy, strategic global positioning, and a grand addition to the US empire. This is the only right choice to protect not only our country but also the world.