DISCLAIMER: THIS ARTICLE IS SATIRE AND IS MEANT FOR ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY.

The NBA referee salary can range anywhere from $150,000 to $550,000. The job of a ref has never been easy; in fact, it has become so difficult for refs to encourage fair play in NBA games that F Jason Taytum of the Boston Celtics was ejected from the game against the Minnesota Timberwolves for breathing air. The ref took a swift course of action to call Tatum’s second technical foul after his heavy breathing obviously disrupted the roar from the 20,000 fans at TD Garden. 

Because of the incessant backlash that followed soon after the call, the NBA disclosed its wonderful, impartial referees had “been disciplined to call out any offensive actions committed by the players”, praising the refs under $200K paychecks to continue their efforts of eliminating all forms of aggression from the games.

Indeed, the refs took to heart commissioner Adam Silver’s goal of creating a game that goes by the rules. While virtually eliminating all travel calls, any form of tapping the arms, aggressive eye contact, or any action that distracts the refs from encouraging fair play can now result in a swift ejection. G Luka Dončić recently was ejected for laughing on the Mavericks bench after the opposing team airballed a three-pointer, and even coach Steve Kerr had to go back to the locker rooms because he was ejected for screaming “Let’s go!” at the top of his lungs.

While NBA fans have criticized the lack of competition, no form of aggression should be encouraged on the court. That may explain why the All-Star game was virtually a no-contact four-quarter shootaround, ending in the most three-pointers and most points scored by the buzzer.