DISCLAIMER: THIS ARTICLE IS SATIRE AND MEANT FOR ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY.
Since 1966, Vel Phillips Memorial has been a central establishment in Madison. A beloved high school with impressive athletics and education, the school is known for its bold Spartan mascot. Bruce the Spartan always appears at every event decked out in the classic green and white, and these have been the colors since the time of founding. But recently, it seems like the sentiment is shifting. Green and white simply aren’t as popular. Students have reported that the colors make them feel akin to various plants, with people comparing their VPM merch to things like broccoli, kale, and even grass. After hearing all of this distress, the higher ups decided that it was time for a change.
You may be wondering, if not green, then what? The professional designers hired by the school scoured the internet for something that would truly capture our student body’s spirit and personality. They combed through the best looks of celebrities, makeup trends, and popular palettes. After much deliberation, it’s been decided. The Vel Phillips Memorial Spartans will now be represented by the beautiful hues of hot pink, neon yellow, and turquoise.
I’m sure this mesmerizing color combination is bringing tears to your eyes this very second, but first, let’s break down the process of getting to this final choice. As you might have noticed, pink is not a common high school color. VPM is unique, and it’s only fitting that our colors should reflect this. Having three colors is another unconventional choice our top tier designers picked. It just seemed unfair to stick with two when there’s so much more creative freedom with three. In addition to these specific changes, the inspiration behind this palette was something greater – the color wheel. Our new colors pay homage to the classic magenta, yellow, and cyan trio that is so essential to printing and coloring.
Beyond all of this, the merch is inspired by someone who has absolutely nothing to do with the school but who has captured so many of the student’s hearts – famous singer Zara Larsson. Yes, it’s true. The designers, being superfans of the pop star, decided that including this Swedish singer’s signature colors in a Madison high school logo was absolutely essential. The merch designs will still feature Bruce the Spartan, but his uniform will be brighter than before. The special edition VPM merch will be bedazzled with rhinestones and glitter, just like Zara.
The school’s administration has expressed their enthusiasm for this change, and staff and students alike are eagerly awaiting the massive redecoration that will take place over the summer. Students can expect to come back to swirling, tropical designs across the building and sparkles in every corner. It’s time for a new era, Spartans. 2027 will bring the change.
