This article is, more than anything, a cry to the masses. It isn’t a question I can answer, rather, it is a question I am asking. Please. If you can answer it, if you kind readers can bring me someone who sincerely and unironically—at this point, I may also accept ironic hatred—hates Rudolph the Reindeer, I beseech you: get in the comments. I have to know.

To be clear: this is not about the overall story of Rudolph. I have found many people who found its morals confusing and somewhat stupid, but that is not what I’m asking about. My question is far more important. I want to know who holds hate in their heart for the general character of Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer.

Now, you may be wondering why I care about this. That’s a good question. I would say it’s because it is a hole in existence I cannot help but peer into. With every other Christmas figure, I can find someone willing to express petty, oft-inexplicable hatred of them. Santa? Easily. Frosty the Snowman? Absolutely. Ms. Claus? Granted, a bit more difficult, but possible. The Elf on the Shelf? I could assemble a veritable mob.

But Rudolph? With Rudolph, I find at worst neutrality. I have asked embarrassing numbers of people at this point, and the most negative response I’ve gotten was “He’s a weird creature,” followed by a thumbs-up, and one startlingly ambivalent “He’s overrated”.

It astounds me. How can such a widely-known creature exist without controversy? No matter what, any sufficiently popular figure will attract hate—whether it’s genuine, or reactionary to said figure’s popularity. Yet Rudolph, in all his eighty-five years, has gone unscathed by the fires of public scorn.

Why? I can only speculate. Perhaps it’s a product of the more logical criticisms of his overall story, which draw attention from Rudolph himself and lend the discussion of him a Doylist tilt that makes the formation of inexplicable grudges less common. Perhaps it’s because he’s surrounded by other holiday figures that people are simply more inclined to hate, shielding him. Perhaps Robert L. May got lucky and actually managed to create a universally palatable character. Who knows? 

That is a genuine question. If you know who holds the secrets of Rudoph, please contact me. Until then, I will be stuck with my question, my burden, my curse.