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The Student News Site of Vel Phillips Memorial

Sword & Shield

Sword & Shield

Sword & Shield

The Student News Site of Vel Phillips Memorial

France Bans All Soup to Prevent Mona Lisa Damage

France Bans All Soup to Prevent Mona Lisa Damage

Monika Jeraj April 1, 2024

DISCLAIMER: THIS ARTICLE IS SATIRE AND IS MEANT FOR ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY.   On March 30, 2024, a shocking announcement reached the citizens of France. At the exact moment the clock struck...

UW-Madison Predicts 0% Acceptance Rate for 2025

UW-Madison Predicts 0% Acceptance Rate for 2025

Jonathan Buscher April 1, 2024

DISCLAIMER: THIS ARTICLE IS SATIRE AND IS MEANT FOR ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY.   With the college admissions process growing increasingly competitive by the year, university admission rates,...

The Negatives of AI (Written by ChatGPT)

The Negatives of AI (Written by ChatGPT)

Jonathan Buscher April 1, 2024

DISCLAIMER: THIS ARTICLE IS SATIRE AND IS MEANT FOR ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY.   From ChatGPT given the prompt: Write a newspaper article about the negatives of AI   Unveiling the...

Mr. Beast For President in 2032

Mr. Beast For President in 2032

PJ Mulkey April 1, 2024

DISCLAIMER: THIS ARTICLE IS SATIRE AND IS MEANT FOR ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY.   Aspiring creator, millionaire philanthropist, insane content creator and everything in between can all be used...

Biden Is Now Legally "Taylor Swift"

Biden Is Now Legally “Taylor Swift”

Vince Kim April 1, 2024

DISCLAIMER: THIS ARTICLE IS SATIRE AND IS MEANT FOR ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY.   Biden’s presidential campaign for 2024 has been on a tightrope for the last several weeks, after multiple...

All Climate Change Miraculously Reversed By Single Recycled Straw

All Climate Change Miraculously Reversed By Single Recycled Straw

Amalia Weix April 1, 2024

DISCLAIMER: THIS ARTICLE IS SATIRE AND IS MEANT FOR ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY.   In an unparalleled act of courage and bravery, all climate change has been reversed by a single recycled straw. “It’s...

Why You Don't Need Water To Live

Why You Don’t Need Water To Live

Hayat Brahmer, Student Life April 1, 2024

Water is becoming less and less accessible. This is leading more and more people to start living without H2O, something that has been possible but not usually done. It is time...

The Easiest Way to get 100% in any Class

The Easiest Way to get 100% in any Class

Jonathan Buscher April 1, 2024

DISCLAIMER: THIS ARTICLE IS SATIRE AND IS MEANT FOR ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY. Over my past four years at Memorial, one question that students in my classes have consistently pondered is what the...

Why Is Asher Willis In All My Clubs

Why Is Asher Willis In All My Clubs

PJ Mulkey, Student Life April 1, 2024

Asher Willis is an aspiring student leader at VPM, he helped manage during the cross country season and is now running in track and field. I am also in these sports but Asher is also in every club I'm...

A Literary Analysis of Garfield as a Piece of Media

A Literary Analysis of Garfield as a Piece of Media

Thomas Heinz March 31, 2024

We all know Garfield. Large, orange, and a bit evil. But what about his origins? What are the meanings of specific stories? Time to find out, and take a little journey into the history of Garfield and...

The Fall of Hannah Montana

The Fall of Hannah Montana

Hayat Brahmer March 31, 2024

DISCLAIMER: THIS ARTICLE IS SATIRE AND IS MEANT FOR ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY. The show Hannah Montana aired from 2006-2011, featuring the main characters Miley Cyrus as Miley Stuart, Hannah Montana...

Green Eggs and Ham: Consumerist Indoctrination

Green Eggs and Ham: Consumerist Indoctrination

Amalia Weix March 31, 2024

DISCLAIMER: THIS ARTICLE IS SATIRE AND IS MEANT FOR ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY. Green Eggs and Ham by Dr. Seuss holds a special place in my heart as the first book I ever read on my own. And yet, looking...

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