Ten Movies in Ten Sentences


Elliott Weix

John Wick: Chapter 4
The fourth John Wick movie, which is indistinguishable from the other three John Wick movies.


Glass Onion
Rich people are kinda dumb; someone sets the Mona Lisa on fire.


Everything Everywhere All At Once
With infinite multiverses, there still isn’t enough Michelle Yeoh.


Ant-man and the Wasp: Quantumania
The long awaited sequel to Loki—*cough cough*—I mean another thrilling addition to the Marvel cinematic universe.


Dungeons & Dragons: Honor Among Thieves
It’s just validating to know that other people play this game.


Avatar: The Way of Water
It’s like the first movie but with more child endangerment and also whales.


Bullet Train
The two most compelling characters are a snake and a bottle of water.


Cocaine Bear
What it says on the tin.


Shazam! Fury of the Gods
Am I even allowed to say the S-word without being sued by D.C.?


Puss in Boots: The Last Wish
I am sorry to announce we will be getting yet another Shrek film.