Imagine, just for a second,  you get home after a very long day. Opening the front door—you’re exhausted—all you long to do is flop down on your warm, cushiony bed. You slug to your bedroom, just waiting for the sweet relief of relaxation, and as you descend into your bed, you’re met with—oh! Not soft silk, not a warm blanket, and definitely not fluff! 

Instead, you make contact with curly, crusty, matted fur. Over the span of my lifetime, I have developed a warranted and valid dislike for dogs with curly hair, and I have plenty of reasons. My name is Daphne Spencer, and this is why I hate curly-haired dogs. I want to start by clarifying that I do not dislike the dogs themselves. Each dog has its own personality, and in this case, I dislike the concept of a dog with curly hair, not the dogs themselves. I have met many dogs, and all of them have satisfied me. I have also met many dogs with curly hair, and I liked them all, but they don’t resonate with me.

I like dogs—if you have a dog, I probably like it—but curly hair on a dog is something that disgusts me. One of the most popular curly-haired dog breeds is the Poodle. You probably know this breed by their reputation for being uptight, stubborn, and rude divas. According to Georgette from Disney’s Oliver & Company, for example, is portrayed as having a “sharp wit and a diva-like attitude, believing she deserves to be the center of attention in any room she enters.”. This characterization of poodles is exaggerated, of course, but it holds an amount of truth. Poodles are difficult dogs, and they need constant attention. Without constant mental and physical engagement,  they get bored and, according to Spirit Dog, “develop unwanted behaviors like excessive barking, chewing, or digging.”. Dogs with curly hair also become matted very easily, and if you care about your dog, the grooming maintenance is extremely tedious and expensive. With their low shedding, these dogs’ hair gets caught up and tangled quickly, and getting these tangles out is a task not for the weak of heart.

Besides the constant matting, their thick coat of fur traps bacteria under itself and causes skin irritation and sores. Curly hair tends to grow around the dogs’ eyes, mouth, and paws, causing gross discharge to surround these areas and lead to crust and foul smells. It can also cause health issues, according to Wag Walking, “health problems in the way of infections from trapped bacteria.”. Besides the obvious grooming problems, curly-haired dogs just feel so…hollow. When you see a fluffy dog with bouncy curly hair, you expect density, volume, or at least some size. But when you pet them, your hand just sinks into thin, stringy fur. These dogs appear larger than they actually are, and their fur creates the illusion that they are significantly bigger than they are. We all know that a chubby dog is the best dog, and when you pet a dog expecting mass but instead you are met with skin and bones under a false coat, it’s heartbreaking.

Straight or at least wavy hair on a dog does not give this illusion. Straight-haired dogs are just better! They are just as big as they display, their fur is thick and dense, their fur doesn’t get matted, crusty, and gross nearly as fast, and they’re much cuter. Of course, this is just my humble opinion. I have met many dogs, and I have seen many dogs, and straight-haired dogs have always been cuter and prettier than the ones with curly hair.

Also, straight-haired dogs tend to include bigger breeds. I can get into why big dogs are better than small dogs in another article. Straight-haired dogs include long and short hair—they both have their benefits. Short-haired dogs with smooth, straight fur are good for people, according to Four Paws, “great for people who want relatively lower maintenance than other coat types,”. Long-haired dogs with straight hair have fluffy, thick fur that, while requiring a little more maintenance, gives a fluffier appearance, and fluffy equals cute. Straight fur just feels better. On the hands, it’s softer, smoother, shinier, with no crust. And—again, in my opinion—straight hair just enhances a dog’s cuteness.

In conclusion, my hate for curly-haired dogs does not come entirely from their personality, though some specific curly-haired breeds can be difficult. My hate for them, instead, comes from the facts: they get gross, they’re hard to groom, they’re stinky, they display themselves falsely, and mostly, they will never be as cute, smooth, and lovable as dogs with straight hair. Thank you, from not the bottom of my heart but definitely somewhere in my heart, for taking the time to sit here and listen to me factually rant about my long-lived hatred for curly-haired dogs.

Please, do not be upset at me for this article, as this is a simple opinion piece. I know it is a sensitive topic, I know this will do much harm to curly-haired dog owners all over the world (because I know this article will get that much viewage), but this is not a personal attack on all dogs with curly hair themselves. Take my opinion into account the next time you adopt a dog or need to debate what dogs are better—the answer is clear; straight-haired dogs are always the way to go!