DISCLAIMER: THIS ARTICLE IS SATIRE AND MEANT FOR ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY.

As a society, we have been indoctrinated with a cultural disgust of organisms that, like the humble Taenia solium, have been deemed parasites. But this hatred is not only hurtful to the humble brain worm, it’s also inhibiting the true potential of our species. If we embrace the worm, we can embrace true health, wellness, and infinite power.

Parasites used to be greatly involved in the day-to-day lives of humans—it’s just that Big Pharma doesn’t want you to know about their healing effects on the mind and body. By returning to our glorious, invertebrate overlords, we can also return to the good old days of health. All this mental illness mumbo jumbo is simply a result of lacking the worms our brains were meant to have, and the most prevalent illnesses of the modern day (heart disease, various cancers, etc) can also be resolved by the worm.

How do I know this, you ask? Well, I was once a wormless wench like you. But when I welcomed our legless saviors into my cranium, all my problems seemed to melt away. Now my only worries are for the pitiful unwormed masses, who move through life in a haze, unaware of their true destinies. 

The worm will welcome you with its many vestigial legs if you are able to welcome it into the folds of your brain—eskew the biases of the modern world, and return to the only thing that truly matters. Return to your destiny. Return to the Worm.