Regular readers of the Sword & Shield may remember an article I wrote earlier this year enumerating my many reasons to be, to put it kindly, dissatisfied with the existence of the How To Train Your Dragon live action remake. You may remember my seething discontent at the grotesque reanimation of one the most beloved films of my childhood so Universal Studios may paw at the deep pockets of nostalgia. My cynicism regarding the future of films made only to rest on laurels rather than forging towards new frontiers of storytelling. My hatred, roiling and verbose.

I regret to inform you all that a second How To Train Your Dragon live action remake has been announced.

When attempting to fashion an appropriate metaphor to convey the depth and range of my snarling discontent, I was first drawn to the old standby of wine. One could argue that with time, my hate has become richer, more intoxicating, more consuming. However, this metaphor also suggests that it has, in some way, matured. I do not feel mature. I feel disappointed. I feel offended. I feel as if I have had to listen to a very stupid man praise his own intelligence. One might argue that these are all common feelings as one enters adulthood, and therefore maturity, but contemplating that only feeds my melancholy.

I ultimately gave up on metaphor. Not everything feels like something else. My feelings towards the existence of the How To Train Your Dragon 2 remake remain alone in their unique mixture of pettiness and spite. But I will try to explain them nonetheless.

The main irritant is the fact that Universal Studios is so confident in the willingness of the public to slurp up whatever nostalgia-tinted slop they serve that they’ve gone ahead and started on the second remake with no consideration to how the first will perform. It’s rank hubris and condescending assumption from a corporation that has the potential to be better than it is. And yet. And yet.

I have only a few words left to say on this topic. In all honesty, this sits rather low on my priorities of hate—in that way, it manages to be a small boon. At least being angry about this is somewhat humorous, unlike being upset with current events. But it is still a sign of greater stagnation in popular media, which means that it’s more important than ever to support independent creatives—local artists and authors, indie filmmakers, community theater, and whoever else you can find in your area making strange, beautiful, and interesting art.

How To Train Your Dragon 2’s desecrated corpse will be slapped onto big screens in June 2027, when I am set to graduate high school. I would greatly appreciate it if all of you put your hard-earned dollars towards supporting local and independent artists instead of witnessing it—partially as a stand for creative integrity, partially because supporting local artists is inherently good, but also because it would be a wonderful graduation present if this grotesquery flopped harder than Cats.