DISCLAIMER: THIS ARTICLE IS SATIRE AND IS MEANT FOR ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY.

Just as life appears to be returning to normal, at least to some extent, from COVID-19, the virus that was a focal point of the last few years, a new COVID virus is emerging even deadlier than ever just to ruin newly made plans. 

Just as before, this new COVID originated in China, although the exact epicenter of the outbreak is unknown. Rapidly spreading across the world, this new COVID variant has reached everywhere except for the U.S., within which such a disease was kept under informational wraps by the Biden Administration for fear of public panic. Yet now, with worsening conditions in several other countries, the President has allowed news to slowly be released in order to prepare Americans for a second pandemic potential. 

Dr. Fauci, the former chief medical advisor to the President of the United States, has stated that “This new virus is even worse than before. We have seen something like it with the original COVID-19 virus but COVID-23 is badder, smarter, stronger, and better than the original.” Fauci also provided statistics that the infection rate of this new virus is 99%, and symptoms will set in almost immediately, resulting in little time to react or quarantine. Such symptoms include neck pain, soreness, irritability, coughing, headache, sneezing, sleepiness, vomiting and nausea, double vision, unsteadiness, fever, skin rashes, swelling, bruises, light sensitivity, inability to focus, inability to taste, smell, hear, or see, among others. Fauci recommends that anyone experiencing such symptoms report them to the CDC immediately so that not only research can be done, but a quarantine can be set. 

While the full extent of the virus is unknown, what is known is that current COVID vaccines are ineffective at combating the new version. This makes the situation even more deadly considering the fact that researchers must develop an entirely new effective vaccine which will take time. 

In response to the new and dramatic release of news, many Americans instantly have become concerned about the virus, prompting a dramatic second wave of grocery store runs. Toilet paper, hand sanitizer, and other necessities were bought out almost instantly, along with other seemingly random items, including candy and of all other things, winter holiday decorations. It appears that many are planning on staying in their homes for the long haul, even having built up emergency stores from the last pandemic and quarantine. 

Although this may be frightening information to hear, it may have been a positive thing that the Biden administration kept this from the public for so long, as the panic and looting currently being witnessed across the country is nothing compared to what it could have potentially been. Had Biden released the information as it came to him, wider panic could have been caused given the nature of the virus and how fast it spreads.