DISCLAIMER: THIS ARTICLE IS SATIRE AND IS MEANT FOR ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY.

Elon Musk, the infamous entrepreneur has recently had legal troubles, from his deal with Twitter near the end of 2022 to his investigations regarding Neuralink, and even his 2018 shareholder lawsuit. Yet this new story makes these other incidents look like children’s stories.
On March 26, 2023, investigative journalist Elisa Brad discovered, while documenting the lives of workers for Musk’s different organizations, that some of the employees at Tesla’s factory in Fremont, California were not quite human. Previously having talked to Twitter and Neuralink workers, discussing with them conditions working under Musk, including pay, lifestyle, and overall workplace attitude, Brad planned a trip to the Fremont factory. Requesting access to the facility multiple times, Brad was denied access, at first receiving direct communication from Chris Winton, the head of Human Resources and titled “Champion of the People,” at Tesla. After even more persistence, Musk contacted her directly offering access to several other Tesla locations; yet, Brad had her interest piqued in the specific plant, especially given the aggressive denials.

Deciding to sneak into the factory on the night of March 26, Brad was in awe when her team discovered that aliens were working to assemble Musk’s famous electric vehicles. Taking a closer look, Brad actually spoke with some in perfect English, where they discussed they had been kidnapped by Musk’s SpaceX scientists from Mars, their home planet, and forced to work in the Tesla factory. After asking permission, Brad took photo documentation of the poor factory situations using her mobile phone before heading out to avoid detection.
The following morning, Brad published an article documenting the information gleaned from the experience, including the images, and urged the government to investigate Musk. Rapidly responding on Twitter, Musk denied all of the claims, posting “All of these allegations about me and aliens are fake. All of my assets and companies’ information is publicly available and I would have told someone if we found aliens. #getbradout” Upon further interview, Musk commented that “was there any involvement of any of my companies, including SpaceX and Tesla, the public would have known. I am very responsible with my money and what I tell the public, and I wouldn’t want to be distrusted by anyone.”
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n FBI raid that afternoon disproved Musk’s claims, however, as the Bureau discovered over 250 individual aliens on the premises of the Fremont plant. Following this, Musk was arrested by federal agents as well, although he claimed to have had no involvement in the capturing and forced labor of such beings. More investigations of plants are scheduled to follow in the coming weeks as Musk and his employees are forced to clear out of all Tesla facilities.
Investigations are also beginning into the SpaceX mission that brought some aliens, which have already yielded some fruit. NASA telescopes have confirmed the existence of a colony, developed by Musk, on the red planet, which based on choppy footage contains several large structures resemblant to skyscrapers, implying a long-term development by SpaceX. The FBI also released public documents regarding the specific mission. Titled Dragonfly2233804858384X, the intended goal was to transport previously discovered Martians back to Earth and force them to work in several of Musk’s factories.
There have been mixed reactions among Americans regarding the recent exposure of Musk’s crimes. Charles Ray from Ohio told reporters, “I don’t care much for aliens, but if this messes with me being able to buy one of those fancy new Teslas, I’m going to go after the FBI.” On the other hand, Regina P. reported from Kentucky that she feels, “If Musk is going to bring aliens to Earth, he should at least tell the public about it. Then we could do some scientific investigation. How amazing!” Either way, Musk is currently in serious legal trouble for not only holding extremely valuable research from the scientific community and posing a threat to national security but also for holding individuals against their will.