{"id":4965,"date":"2026-04-01T00:00:40","date_gmt":"2026-04-01T05:00:40","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/memorialswordandshield.com\/?p=4965"},"modified":"2026-04-01T09:44:37","modified_gmt":"2026-04-01T14:44:37","slug":"breaking-news-infinite-monkeys-finally-recreate-shakespeare-on-typewriter","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/memorialswordandshield.com\/es\/4965\/news\/breaking-news-infinite-monkeys-finally-recreate-shakespeare-on-typewriter\/","title":{"rendered":"Breaking News: Infinite Monkeys Finally Recreate Shakespeare on Typewriter"},"content":{"rendered":"

DISCLAIMER: THIS ARTICLE IS SATIRE AND MEANT FOR ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY.<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

We’ve all heard the scientific theory. If an infinite amount of Monkeys were placed in a room with an infinite amount of typewriters and given an infinite amount of time, they would eventually recreate the entire works of\u00a0 William Shakespeare. Well, a research team developed by Harvard zoologist and language professor Laura McKinley put this to the test, and found some incredible results. After receiving a $2 million grant from Harvard, McKinley’s research team got to work, buying an infinite amount of typewriters and placing them in the Franklin Park Zoo’s notorious infinite monkey exhibit. Within days, the team quickly began seeing results. “We began this process as a simple what if” said McKinley when asked about the monkey experiment. “It isn’t easy to get an infinite amount of monkeys in the same room as an infinite amount of typewriters, so when we realized that we had the chance, we swiftly got to work in order to determine if the rumors were true.” Just 5 days after beginning the experiment, McKinley’s team had received some incredible results from the infinite monkeys from their mashing away on their infinite typewriters. From lyrics to several of Taylor Swift’s most recent songs, to even an entirely completed Hallmark movie script now being sent to production, the monkeys had swiftly created many influential literary works. However, the theory had already become true. While not his entire works, the monkeys had managed to replicate one of Shakespeare’s most influential sonnets. Below is a 22 page excerpt of writing from one of the monkeys, featuring a replication of Shakespeare’s influential sonnet 18:\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

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 <\/p>\n

Shall I compare thee to a summer\u2019s day?<\/span><\/p>\n

Thou art more lovely and more temperate:<\/span><\/p>\n

Rough winds do shake the darling buds of May,<\/span><\/p>\n

And summer\u2019s lease hath all too short a date;<\/span><\/p>\n

Sometime too hot the eye of heaven shines,<\/span><\/p>\n

And often is his gold complexion dimm’d;<\/span><\/p>\n

And every fair from fair sometime declines,<\/span><\/p>\n

By chance or nature\u2019s changing course untrimm’d;<\/span><\/p>\n

But thy eternal summer shall not fade,<\/span><\/p>\n

Nor lose possession of that fair thou ow\u2019st;<\/span><\/p>\n

Nor shall death brag thou wander\u2019st in his shade,<\/span><\/p>\n

When in eternal lines to time thou grow\u2019st:<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0So long as men can breathe or eyes can see,<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0So long lives this, and this gives life to thee.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

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 <\/p>\n

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 <\/p>\n

“The recreation of Shakespeare’s Sonnet 18 by one of our infinite monkeys on infinite typewriters is a massive scientific discovery” said Dr. McKinley on the groundbreaking writing. “Knowing that our infinite monkeys actually have the capability of recreating literary works, we now have the potential to not only recreate each and every one of Shakespeare’s spectacular sonnets, but we may also be able to utilize the infinite monkeys to create stories, potentially even on par with modern day Hollywood film writing!” McKinley’s incredible discovery not only proves one of our oldest scientific theories true, but also allows for a new era of content generation to sweep the nation. With this discovery, one thing is for certain. Nothing can surpass the intellectual capability of infinite monkeys. Except for maybe infinite lions. This is the experiment that Dr. McKinley will perform next, in the extremely likely scenario that Harvard bestows to her a second, equally large research grant.<\/span><\/p>\n



<\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

DISCLAIMER: THIS ARTICLE IS SATIRE AND MEANT FOR ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY. We’ve all heard the scientific theory. If an infinite amount of Monkeys were placed in a room with an infinite amount of typewriters and given an infinite amount of time, they would eventually recreate the entire works of\u00a0 William Shakespeare. Well, a research team…<\/p>","protected":false},"author":29,"featured_media":4976,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[37],"tags":[347,181],"staff_name":[283],"class_list":["post-4965","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-news","tag-april-26","tag-satire","staff_name-jamie-hutton"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/memorialswordandshield.com\/es\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4965","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/memorialswordandshield.com\/es\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/memorialswordandshield.com\/es\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/memorialswordandshield.com\/es\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/29"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/memorialswordandshield.com\/es\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=4965"}],"version-history":[{"count":6,"href":"https:\/\/memorialswordandshield.com\/es\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4965\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":4989,"href":"https:\/\/memorialswordandshield.com\/es\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4965\/revisions\/4989"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/memorialswordandshield.com\/es\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/4976"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/memorialswordandshield.com\/es\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=4965"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/memorialswordandshield.com\/es\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=4965"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/memorialswordandshield.com\/es\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=4965"},{"taxonomy":"staff_name","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/memorialswordandshield.com\/es\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/staff_name?post=4965"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}